The Young Adult’s Pocket Guide to Ritual Sacrifice

By Josh Friday
jfrey@wnyu.org

Christmas is just around the corner and that means sitting down to sumptuous ritualized meals of charred animal flesh with family and friends. Why not get back to the good ol’ paganism our holiday traditions were founded on? C’mon, you’ve always wanted to build a sacrificial altar to a Mesopotamian torture cult deity, am I right?

Where does the aspiring pagan begin? Well, a great place to start is The Young Adult’s Pocket Guide to Ritual Sacrifice, by Josh Friday.

Whether your sacrificial inclinations are human or animal, this easy-to-follow guide will have you trolling the neighborhood for victims in no time. Before you can say “Lord Jabu-Jabu,” you’ll be pleasing demigods with homemade intestinal wreaths and blood curdling incantations that’ll make Mom and Dad regret not spending their hard-earned dollars on Ritalin and parochial school.

Unsure whether to use a hatchet or an antler knife on those bullying jocks down the street? Do you sacrifice rabbits or toads to get that hotty from class to look your way? The answers are here. Whether its tools of the trade or a handy index of demons you need, The Young Adult’s Pocket Guide to Ritual Sacrifice is your go-to guide for appeasing the bloodlust of your favorite force of darkness.

-Matthew Monte

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